there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
