God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's great music for shaving your balls
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
