His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
