She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
