New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
