I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
