The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
