dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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