Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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