I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
