I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
