yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
