How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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