I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
