she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
