I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
