On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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