Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
