that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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