he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
