My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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