She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
