Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
