the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
