I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
