I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
