I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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