I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I need to stop coming to work sober
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
