I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
