im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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