and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
