Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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