I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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