Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
