Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
