i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize