I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
