Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
