i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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