I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
