she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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