i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
