its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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