We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
