I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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