Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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