You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
