god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
