I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
