I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
