I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
