I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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