i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
