...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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