I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
