Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Terrible idea I love it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
