he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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