with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
