DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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