Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
