tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this beer tastes like vomit already
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
